Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li – Why it Was the Worst Movie
Posted in Reviews on March 23rd, 2009 by Sinoun – Be the first to commentIf you knew a movie was going to be REALLY bad, would you watch it anyway?
The logical thing would be not to, but as Street Fighter proves, logic can be a limited resource.
I knew from the trailer that this film would feature amateur fight sequences, absurd dialogue, cheesy special effects and some of the worst acting I would ever legally witness. Studios the world over should sue this production for calling itself a “film”, because it misses the mark on so many levels and brings its genre down to a whole new low, if that were even possible.
Damn, where to even start. It starts off with the drabbest narrator ever. Kristin Kreuk as Chun-Li sounds like she’s channeling her former Smallville self, Lana Lang with her unconvincing read of a poorly written text that only serves to highlight the movie’s inadequacies, such as effective dialogue, visual cues, and proper pacing. The narration is simply a way to skimp on actual story development – a shortcut device. Instead of letting the viewer intuitively figure out the plot’s progression, the voice-over spells it all out.
I don’t even remember the details of the movie, except that it begins with a young Chun-Li learning what looks like Tai Chi with her father. Then one day he gets kidnapped by Bison and his thugs. Fast-forward to present day and Chun-Li finds herself in Thailand, looking for the perpetrators, or a man who could lead her to answers – or something. She lives and fights on the streets, and meets a guy named Spider, (aka Lui Kang from Mortal Kombat) who helps her harness her inner powers and become a lethal warrior of sorts. And a slew of other characters come into play, played by the likes of Michael Clarke Duncan and Taboo from The Black Eyed Peas, who’s presence was pretty inconsequential. Cringe-inducing dialogue occurs at every turn (Chun-Li says to Vega, “If I had a face like yours, I’d wear a mask too” – wow, genius). But what could you really expect from a movie who’s most profound (and thrice used) line is “Sometimes you have to stand up, even when standing isn’t easy.” Whatever you say, T.J. Hooker!
The one actor that really boggled my mind was Chris Klein, who it seems, was just plucked from post-American Pie obscurity and dropped into this pseudo-blockbuster barf bucket. That’s gross, I know, but Klein’s razzy-inspired performance was pretty revolting, easily among the most ridiculous there’s ever been. (Sorry, I don’t mean to be mean but that’s all I can be after seeing what I’ve seen!) Was he just playing, or were the sleazeball snarls and jerky sneers part of his usual acting arsenal, even when it was uncalled for? I mean, he was supposed to be the good guy for goodness sakes! Watching his slime-infested line recitals made me feel so visually-violated – I’ve really never seen such a thing. However, I have considered that maybe – just maybe – he was all too aware of how bad this movie was and thought it would be clever to give a purposefully poor performance – this is highly plausible – but it doesn’t make watching him any less painful. I’m pretty sure the director gave him one of the tombstone props off the set and said “Here Chris, give this to your career.”
Fortunately, amidst all the movie-viewing agony, there was a faint saving grace, and I emphasize faint, because this movie is irredemptive. The one light at the end of it all, Kristin Kreuk, was surprisingly impressive (aside from the bland narration). In fact, it really seemed as if she was the only actor who took the whole project seriously (poor thing). She capably channeled her inner street fighter, working with whatever scraps were handed to her, and for someone who isn’t a martial artist, pulled off the fight scenes relatively well. (Of course, the fight scenes were pretty craptacular, thanks to the practically visible wire work, but that wasn’t her fault). Honestly, Kristin Kreuk was my only real reason for watching this campy, should’ve-gone-straight-to-DVD B-no make that a C-movie.
After only a couple weeks, I think they’ve already completely pulled it out of theaters. That’s how bad it was. The end of the film tries to hint at a possible Ryu-centered third Street Fighter installment. But in the infamous words of G-Dubbya B, ”Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice… and you can’t fool me thrice!” (Ok so he didn’t quite say that). But it’s pretty safe to assume the Street Fighter franchise has been sufficiently annihilated.
